An Early Morning Encounter With A Paranoid Delusional

I like to get to work a little early. I do this so that I can make some coffee and have a couple of cigarettes while enjoying my coffee before I have to get to work. I mean, who actually shows up for work and gets started right away?

This morning was no different. After I had made the coffee, I headed outside for a smoke. I was standing there enjoying the peace and quiet (it was 4:30 in the morning)and my cigarette, between sips of coffee, when I saw him.

Shit. He's looking right at me. I knew exactly how this was going to play out before he crossed the street and headed over to me. I checked my pack of cigarettes. Only 3 left.

"Say, brother. Can I get a smoke from ya?"

Well, just call me Sylvia Brown. How'd I know?

"Sure."

"Thanks, brother."

At this point, I figured he would be on his way. That's how these things usually go. Not this time. Instead, he took this as his cue to unleash the crazy on me.

"Are you black?"

"What?"

"Are you a black man?"

You've all seen my picture. I'm of Irish and Scottish descent. I'm about as white as they come.

"No."

"Do you think we should kiss his ass just because he's a black man?"

I looked around to confirm. Yep, we were the only two people there.

"What are you talking about?"

"I don't know, man."

With that he turned and walked away. Unfortunately, he only made it about 4 steps before turning around and coming back.

"You're wearing a gray coat. Are you a gray?"

First, my coat isn't grey. Second, is he talking about aliens?

"And you've got on a Chicago Cubs hat."

It's actually a Colbert Report hat, but I decided to keep that to myself.

"Would you fight and die for your country? If you had to, would you?"

"Yes, I would."

"Don't think you're better than me just because you've been to war."

Hmm? Ok, I don't recall having told him that I had been in a war.

"I fight wars too. But, I didn't have to go off to some foreign land to do it. I do it every day in this country, this state, this city."

"....." At this point, I figured if I didn't say anything maybe he would take his rant somewhere else.

"I built it!"

"....."

"I built this city!"

Let me guess, on rock 'n' roll?

"Does it make you better than me that you have a job paying 20 or 30 dollars an hour, a place to live, and a family that cares about you?"

"No." The tone in my voice was frustrated. I was hoping to give him the hint that I was growing tired of his bullshit.

"You think about this country, man. You think about it and ask yourself if you really want to keep living here."

"....."

"I don't want to live here anymore and I built the place!"

Yes, on rock 'n' roll. I know.

"Thanks for the smoke, man. Bye."

"Yep."

Peace out, dude. Peace out, indeed.

With that, he turned and walked away. But, of course, he turned back around to yell something else at me. I ignored him. He did this no less than 5 times until he was out of sight.

Just another typical day in downtown Portland.